Apr 30, 2022·edited Apr 30, 2022Liked by Sam (predisposition)
Thanks for writing this, I related so much. I remember my first party sober. It was a fairly tame affair but I felt on the verge of a panic attack after an hour or so and left v early. I remember his wonderful it felt to leave, and to be sober. Though I didn't exactly write it off as a success at the time.
It has gotten easier, and I hope that will be the case for you. But I still prefer to stay home and read or write or to go for a walk. I think.
The transitions between conversations are tough and parties involve so many! Lately I am finding myself wanting to leave even friends houses v quickly. The more I pay attention to my needs, the more I recognise how much effort 'normal' things are. Like popping in for a cup of tea, without a clear end time. Nowadays I realise that isn't entirely enjoyable for me because I am wondering when we can leave after ten minutes or so. I am always ready to leave and suggesting leaving before anyone else. It's quite comical really.
I'm glad you have your wife who understands. And the bit about your daughter made me laugh.
I think you can count the party as a success because you took your own needs seriously and you tried your best. You showed up early, too, which is an important contribution! And you were honest.
I have the same q's about drinking. I imagine I would return to a similar state fairly quickly, where I was drinking a little every day and worrying about whether it was healthy or not, with occasional blackouts. But who knows?
I love the way you describe yourself arguing for why your current way is best. We humans are so funny, aren't we? Our brains endlessly persuading us and making cases for our choices...
No wonder a lil drinky seems appealing.
I'm still committed to the cause of unmasking. It's exciting to find who I really am, by which I mean, how I feel most comfort and ease and joy and pleasure and positivity.
I tune into people in the same way you describe and I can often build a good rapport with people very quickly, and I enjoy it, but it's very tiring. And so I'd rather be gardening or napping. Gardening energises me and so it will always be more appealing though it is not as amusing as conversations with people, which I love. Gardening feels good because I am not over adrenalised the whole time.
As we keep telling the truth more people seem to admit they feel the same. I wonder what would happen to the social life of England if we ran out of alcohol...
Thanks for writing this, I related so much. I remember my first party sober. It was a fairly tame affair but I felt on the verge of a panic attack after an hour or so and left v early. I remember his wonderful it felt to leave, and to be sober. Though I didn't exactly write it off as a success at the time.
It has gotten easier, and I hope that will be the case for you. But I still prefer to stay home and read or write or to go for a walk. I think.
The transitions between conversations are tough and parties involve so many! Lately I am finding myself wanting to leave even friends houses v quickly. The more I pay attention to my needs, the more I recognise how much effort 'normal' things are. Like popping in for a cup of tea, without a clear end time. Nowadays I realise that isn't entirely enjoyable for me because I am wondering when we can leave after ten minutes or so. I am always ready to leave and suggesting leaving before anyone else. It's quite comical really.
I'm glad you have your wife who understands. And the bit about your daughter made me laugh.
I think you can count the party as a success because you took your own needs seriously and you tried your best. You showed up early, too, which is an important contribution! And you were honest.
I have the same q's about drinking. I imagine I would return to a similar state fairly quickly, where I was drinking a little every day and worrying about whether it was healthy or not, with occasional blackouts. But who knows?
I love the way you describe yourself arguing for why your current way is best. We humans are so funny, aren't we? Our brains endlessly persuading us and making cases for our choices...
No wonder a lil drinky seems appealing.
I'm still committed to the cause of unmasking. It's exciting to find who I really am, by which I mean, how I feel most comfort and ease and joy and pleasure and positivity.
I tune into people in the same way you describe and I can often build a good rapport with people very quickly, and I enjoy it, but it's very tiring. And so I'd rather be gardening or napping. Gardening energises me and so it will always be more appealing though it is not as amusing as conversations with people, which I love. Gardening feels good because I am not over adrenalised the whole time.
As we keep telling the truth more people seem to admit they feel the same. I wonder what would happen to the social life of England if we ran out of alcohol...
Anyhow, thank as ever for an excellent read.
Ps I can't believe you don't want TV!