I love the way you reflect on things. It is so helpful to me.
This, exactly: "Could I explain to my friends that I want to see them, but we need to structure the time and circumstances so that I don’t get overwhelmed, irritated, or exhausted? Or would that be too burdensome? For example, let’s meet for an hour to go for a walk instead of having a three hour dinner party."
Yes please!
One of the things I enjoyed about getting sober was that my social network shrank to include only the people who were willing to accept the new 'quiet and boring' version of me. It was fantastically relaxing.
I didn't realise it but I was learning to accept my unmasked self, my autistic self.
And I am still having the same challenges you describe. I've made progress and I'm having challenges.
The yes/no thing is confusing to me too. I still find it so hard to understand when I am 'allowed' to say no. Which helps me see this is a worthwhile challenge. Because the point is that I am supposed to be the Purveyor of my own no's. But historically haven't necessarily been. I think the female conditioning really gives us born female a lot of extra trouble with this...
My friend pointed out that Mum's might benefit a lot from the yes/no challenge.
What are the parts of you that you find hardest to accept? Something I'm experimenting with accepting is how many naps I seem to need.
Is it possible that I could simply stop fighting my need to rest. Could that be something I just said YES to?
A nap every day. In the middle of the day.
I think perhaps. Will write about this in my post.
Bit rambly but basically THANKS! I so love getting to think with you on this stuff ☺️
And thanks for the acknowledgment of my quest too!
Thank you, Chelsey :) It's great to read your comments - it helps me evolve my thinking! I'm sure you are right about the female conditioning. I've never felt like I fit in with "the boys" (or the men as I got older). And it's interesting that when I read about and listen to autistic female perspectives, I find I identify more with them than I do with the male ones. That said, I'm still a cis man, and I know that affords me privilege and has an impact on how people see me regardless of how I feel inside.
Thank you for asking what parts of me I find hardest to accept. The need for rest is definitely a big one! I have been allowing naps recently, which feels great (unless it makes me feel guilty or lazy, which isn't so great, but I'm working on it). I'm really strict with my personal routine/regimen of getting up very early, exercising, eating healthy, and going to bed early (waaaaay too early by any reasonable person's standard). And I just can't seem to break this routine. I actually don't know if it's good or bad, healthy or unhealthy, self accepting or self punishing. But there is an aspect to it that feels relentless and exhausting. I think that it comes from feeling like I /have/ to do it to make myself worthy or to make myself a better person, which makes me think it's fundamentally about a lack of self acceptance. That's just one example, but it has a pretty big impact on things.
I love the way you reflect on things. It is so helpful to me.
This, exactly: "Could I explain to my friends that I want to see them, but we need to structure the time and circumstances so that I don’t get overwhelmed, irritated, or exhausted? Or would that be too burdensome? For example, let’s meet for an hour to go for a walk instead of having a three hour dinner party."
Yes please!
One of the things I enjoyed about getting sober was that my social network shrank to include only the people who were willing to accept the new 'quiet and boring' version of me. It was fantastically relaxing.
I didn't realise it but I was learning to accept my unmasked self, my autistic self.
And I am still having the same challenges you describe. I've made progress and I'm having challenges.
The yes/no thing is confusing to me too. I still find it so hard to understand when I am 'allowed' to say no. Which helps me see this is a worthwhile challenge. Because the point is that I am supposed to be the Purveyor of my own no's. But historically haven't necessarily been. I think the female conditioning really gives us born female a lot of extra trouble with this...
My friend pointed out that Mum's might benefit a lot from the yes/no challenge.
What are the parts of you that you find hardest to accept? Something I'm experimenting with accepting is how many naps I seem to need.
Is it possible that I could simply stop fighting my need to rest. Could that be something I just said YES to?
A nap every day. In the middle of the day.
I think perhaps. Will write about this in my post.
Bit rambly but basically THANKS! I so love getting to think with you on this stuff ☺️
And thanks for the acknowledgment of my quest too!
Thank you, Chelsey :) It's great to read your comments - it helps me evolve my thinking! I'm sure you are right about the female conditioning. I've never felt like I fit in with "the boys" (or the men as I got older). And it's interesting that when I read about and listen to autistic female perspectives, I find I identify more with them than I do with the male ones. That said, I'm still a cis man, and I know that affords me privilege and has an impact on how people see me regardless of how I feel inside.
Thank you for asking what parts of me I find hardest to accept. The need for rest is definitely a big one! I have been allowing naps recently, which feels great (unless it makes me feel guilty or lazy, which isn't so great, but I'm working on it). I'm really strict with my personal routine/regimen of getting up very early, exercising, eating healthy, and going to bed early (waaaaay too early by any reasonable person's standard). And I just can't seem to break this routine. I actually don't know if it's good or bad, healthy or unhealthy, self accepting or self punishing. But there is an aspect to it that feels relentless and exhausting. I think that it comes from feeling like I /have/ to do it to make myself worthy or to make myself a better person, which makes me think it's fundamentally about a lack of self acceptance. That's just one example, but it has a pretty big impact on things.