I relate to so much of this, Sam. Thank you for sharing all of this. (I am enjoying the podcast you recommended The Alcohol 'Problem' - really interesting conversations.) I know what you mean about "crossing a line" in terms of how I think about my life as before I identified as an alcoholic, and after. I guess in some ways it "helped" (?) that I was more toward the severe end of the AUD spectrum. For me it makes it crystal clear which "side" I was on. Also, when I hear about non-abstinence recovery, I immediately think to myself "Hell, no. Not for me" Moderation feels like a miserable and exhausting proposition. Of course, as you said too, I have been through enough now to realize I might change my mind in the future. In some ways, being okay with that makes it easier to recognize where I am now. The future - or what I'll think then - isn't my concern today. Anyway, thank you. Hope you are doing well. :)
Hi Allison, thank you so much for this. I don't know if it comes through in the post, but yes moderation for me was exactly as you say - a miserable and exhausting proposition! I managed it for years and it was so, so hard. I didn't realize how much of my brain space was devoted to thinking about alcohol, anticipating it, justifying it, rationalizing it, downplaying it, lying to myself about it, and on and on. It wasn't until I allowed myself to stop that suddenly I could step back and see it, and feel the relief. At this point, I firmly in the happy to be sober camp :)
It is so true - only when I stopped could I really see what I was up against. I feel like I'm still reckoning with it all, even at 25 months into recovery. Truly grateful we are here and able to share with each other. :)
Just finishing Dry January. At most, I might have 7 in a week. I never drink socially, only to knock myself out at night. As an Autistic person, sleep disturbances are common, and there is a hamster wheel in my head that will run all night without chemical assistance. (Yes. I needed klonopin for Dry January. But, no. I didn’t miss the alcohol.)
I relate to so much of this, Sam. Thank you for sharing all of this. (I am enjoying the podcast you recommended The Alcohol 'Problem' - really interesting conversations.) I know what you mean about "crossing a line" in terms of how I think about my life as before I identified as an alcoholic, and after. I guess in some ways it "helped" (?) that I was more toward the severe end of the AUD spectrum. For me it makes it crystal clear which "side" I was on. Also, when I hear about non-abstinence recovery, I immediately think to myself "Hell, no. Not for me" Moderation feels like a miserable and exhausting proposition. Of course, as you said too, I have been through enough now to realize I might change my mind in the future. In some ways, being okay with that makes it easier to recognize where I am now. The future - or what I'll think then - isn't my concern today. Anyway, thank you. Hope you are doing well. :)
Hi Allison, thank you so much for this. I don't know if it comes through in the post, but yes moderation for me was exactly as you say - a miserable and exhausting proposition! I managed it for years and it was so, so hard. I didn't realize how much of my brain space was devoted to thinking about alcohol, anticipating it, justifying it, rationalizing it, downplaying it, lying to myself about it, and on and on. It wasn't until I allowed myself to stop that suddenly I could step back and see it, and feel the relief. At this point, I firmly in the happy to be sober camp :)
It is so true - only when I stopped could I really see what I was up against. I feel like I'm still reckoning with it all, even at 25 months into recovery. Truly grateful we are here and able to share with each other. :)
Just finishing Dry January. At most, I might have 7 in a week. I never drink socially, only to knock myself out at night. As an Autistic person, sleep disturbances are common, and there is a hamster wheel in my head that will run all night without chemical assistance. (Yes. I needed klonopin for Dry January. But, no. I didn’t miss the alcohol.)
Thank you for sharing your experience. I get the hamster wheel thing.