Reading this was like wandering around in my own thoughts. I have come to a point where I look forward to socialising but it tends to be 1:1s that I mostly enjoy. More people than that strains the ol' nervous system without booze. I can do it, and it's ok with v close friends/family, but my sosh life is mainly me +1 these days.
But I like that so it works for me! I also like to walk with people rather than sit opposite them. Or just watch something together. I get tired out and overexcited from talking sometimes.
Still working it out, and it's taken a long time to get this far!
For a while in sobriety, I tried to still be very sociable but I quickly realised I just am not that way. I can still go to a party and have a good time, but tend to dip out occasionally for a rest/wander/nap. And am defo never the last person standing.
But I think the same things you go over here. Since I am not technically an alcoholic in the way of some of the others at AA, and am in fact autistic and self-medicating, would it be kind of ok for me to use alcohol in some instances?
But I get to the same points you did, about the fear of the inevitable loss of control. And the worry that I would only be returning to more intensive masking.
I guess theres always some losses when you make a big change, but overall this way is much better for me.
One of the most annoying things for me when I drank was also the way I obsessed over it. And worried about it. And the work I had to put in to controlling it. And the wrench of stopping after the quota!
Thanks for the thought experiment, I was right there with you. Cx
Hi Chelsey! Thank you so much for this comment - this is really helpful. I heard you on the Alcohol "Problem" Podcast (thank you for pointing that out, by the way - great discussions!) and I think you talked about this a bit. It's interesting to me how widely opinions vary on this. I haven't been going to AA meetings, but I've been listening to recordings of them via SoberCast (https://sobercast.com/). I definitely get the sense from a lot of AA folks that any kind of moderation is a fantasy that can only lead to bad things. But at the same time, my story is not at all like the stories I hear a lot of AA folks sharing. Then you have things like the Alcohol "Problem" podcast, which talk a lot about the virtues of moderation and the positive things alcohol can provide. It's tempting to follow what other people say/do, but it's such a personal thing I feel like only you can know what works for you (even if you don't have it worked out yet or aren't quite sure what that looks like!). I always appreciate hearing about your experiences - it's super helpful!
Reading this was like wandering around in my own thoughts. I have come to a point where I look forward to socialising but it tends to be 1:1s that I mostly enjoy. More people than that strains the ol' nervous system without booze. I can do it, and it's ok with v close friends/family, but my sosh life is mainly me +1 these days.
But I like that so it works for me! I also like to walk with people rather than sit opposite them. Or just watch something together. I get tired out and overexcited from talking sometimes.
Still working it out, and it's taken a long time to get this far!
For a while in sobriety, I tried to still be very sociable but I quickly realised I just am not that way. I can still go to a party and have a good time, but tend to dip out occasionally for a rest/wander/nap. And am defo never the last person standing.
But I think the same things you go over here. Since I am not technically an alcoholic in the way of some of the others at AA, and am in fact autistic and self-medicating, would it be kind of ok for me to use alcohol in some instances?
But I get to the same points you did, about the fear of the inevitable loss of control. And the worry that I would only be returning to more intensive masking.
I guess theres always some losses when you make a big change, but overall this way is much better for me.
One of the most annoying things for me when I drank was also the way I obsessed over it. And worried about it. And the work I had to put in to controlling it. And the wrench of stopping after the quota!
Thanks for the thought experiment, I was right there with you. Cx
Hi Chelsey! Thank you so much for this comment - this is really helpful. I heard you on the Alcohol "Problem" Podcast (thank you for pointing that out, by the way - great discussions!) and I think you talked about this a bit. It's interesting to me how widely opinions vary on this. I haven't been going to AA meetings, but I've been listening to recordings of them via SoberCast (https://sobercast.com/). I definitely get the sense from a lot of AA folks that any kind of moderation is a fantasy that can only lead to bad things. But at the same time, my story is not at all like the stories I hear a lot of AA folks sharing. Then you have things like the Alcohol "Problem" podcast, which talk a lot about the virtues of moderation and the positive things alcohol can provide. It's tempting to follow what other people say/do, but it's such a personal thing I feel like only you can know what works for you (even if you don't have it worked out yet or aren't quite sure what that looks like!). I always appreciate hearing about your experiences - it's super helpful!